Yes, it’s true: We here at Screen Speck are doing a retroactive Ted Lasso Season 1 rewatch and recap. We’ve all just been graced with the Season 3 premiere (now streaming on Apple TV+), but I still feel like we could probably use a couple of helpful refreshers. Yes, even if you rewatched the show obsessively during the long layover between Season 2 and now. Aren’t you so excited about it? I’m so excited about it. Let’s start with the pilot.

Episode 1: ‘Pilot’

The show opens by telling us about a successful American college football coach called Ted Lasso (Jason Sudeikis). Shockingly, he’s taking a job as a Premier League football coach in England. As I’m sure you’re aware, American football and regular football are, in fact, not the same sport. Except, in true “Luke, I am your father” false-memory fashion, that’s not the real opening scene. Ted Lasso‘s pilot episode, contrary to popular opinion, actually opens on AFC Richmond’s training ground before showing us the exquisite face of the love of my life, Rebecca Welton (Hannah Waddingham). We learn that Rebecca has just acquired the football club AFC Richmond in an acrimonious divorce from a man called Rupert – the most English name ever – who cheated on her publicly and repeatedly. We are then treated to one of Ted Lasso‘s most delightful drags when Rebecca fires the misogynistic head coach of the team, George (Bill Fellows).

Cut to Ted Lasso himself and his best friend-slash-assistant coach, Coach Beard (Brendan Hunt) on a plane on the way to London. Ted is very chirpy and outwardly happy and optimistic. Very baby girl of him. By contrast, Beard is relatively quiet and introverted, but not in a subdued way. They balance each other. When Ted and Beard get to London, Ted makes friends with their taxi driver, Ollie (Jimmy Akingbola), who takes them straight to the AFC Richmond training center (after a quick pit stop at London Bridge).

At the training center, they first meet the always-anxious Nate Shelley (Nick Mohammed). Ted treats him with basic human respect and it blows his mind a little bit. Nate then takes Ted and Beard up to Rebecca’s office, but Nate gets scared of Rebecca and runs away. Slay. Ted and Rebecca introduce themselves to each other and Rebecca makes a lame dad joke and Ted is sufficiently delighted. Rebecca then kicks Higgins and Beard out so she can speak to Ted alone, assert her dominance, and give him a tour of the club.

Next thing we know, Ted’s in an impromptu press conference with vicious English journalists. It’s really bad for Ted; he flounders and flops. Rebecca, on the other hand, steps in to defend Ted and her decision to hire him and it’s very girlboss. She ushers Ted out and he and Beard walk off to meet the players. We then get the grand reveal of Rebecca’s evil plan to DESTROY THE GLEE CLUB run Richmond into the ground as payback for Rupert being the literal worst. She tells Higgins she’s using Ted – i.e., the worst possible coach – to go through with this plan; Higgins, who already seems to like Ted, is not pleased.

When Ted and Beard get down to the locker room, the players (who watched the press conference) don’t respect them. Ted doesn’t seem fazed. Enter Keeley Jones (Juno Temple), model and girlfriend of star player and resident bellend Jamie Tartt (Phil Dunster). She is there to pick up Jamie for a waxing appointment. Ted lets him go and the players disperse. Roy Kent (Brett Goldstein, of doing-Oscar-the-Grouch-cosplay-and-being-the-team-captain fame) completely writes Ted and Beard off as useless, but, again, they’re not that bothered. They seem to know that they’ll win everyone over eventually. It’s adorable.

Once he’s alone, Ted starts taping his famous yellow and blue “BELIEVE” sign on the wall above the door to the coaches’ office. Keeley comes back for Jamie’s phone, and she and Ted have a little bit of a bonding moment. At the end of the day, Rebecca; Higgins; Ted; Beard; and Nate are in the training center parking lot. We get the infamous “You are a godsend, Ted Lasso!” (sarcastic) “Takes one to know one!” (sincere) interaction between Ted and Rebecca before Nate drives Ted and Beard to their new flats. Rebecca gets into her Rolls Royce – again, she is extremely wealthy. We learn here that Higgins actively helped Rupert cheat on Rebecca when he was the team owner and that’s why she’s so mean to him.

Ted is at his new flat and calls back home. He talks to his son Henry for a bit, and then to his wife, Michelle. We can tell she is not overly pleased to hear from him. Ted disheartened by this and reminds her he’s giving her space that she asked for, but this doesn’t seem to soothe her. He tells her he loves her and that she doesn’t have to say it back and it is pretty sad. Ted tries to go to bed – but, just like on the flight over to England, he still sleep.

In the spirit of Ted Lasso having a fantastic soundtrack, I’m going to offer a song from my own music library that I associate with each one of these episodes. For Ted Lasso‘s pilot, it’s “Fool’s Errand” by Fleet Foxes.

Episode 2: ‘Biscuits’

At the start of this episode, we are privy to Ted’s morning routine, the latter section of which he shares with Beard. They’re very cute. At work, Ted goes up to Rebecca’s office to say good morning and give her a little pink box of biscuits. Rebecca resists, but Ted insists, hoping to establish a morning ritual he calls “Biscuits with the Boss.” He’ll bring her biscuits and she’ll divulge her deepest, darkest secrets. Or something. He just wants to bond with her for the success of the team. As we know, dear audience, that is precisely the opposite of what Rebecca wants.

Rebecca gives in and – to her great surprise – loves the biscuits. Quite vocally, too. She tries to get Ted to leave, but he sings at her and she relents, probably because he’s a little bit funny. She’d never say that, though. Once Ted leaves, he is next seen on the sidelines of the pitch with Beard watching the players warm up. Sam is struggling, Jamie is aggravating, and Roy is angry at Jamie about it. I love tension. Ted asks Nate about Sam. Nate tells him that Sam’s been underperforming since he arrived from Nigeria and Ted gets an idea.

Meanwhile, Rebecca is striding through the halls with Higgins, complaining about how wonderful Ted is. Higgins tries halfheartedly to join in on the Ted-bashing and she calls him a garden gnome. Rebecca then tasks Higgins with figuring out where Ted gets the biscuits. In the locker room after training, Ted reveals a suggestion box for players to tell him about any changes they’d like made to improve the environment of the space. Roy remains unimpressed.

At the end of the day, we get one of my favorite exchanges in the show. Ted holds the door open for a long time – no, like, an inordinately long time – for Rebecca to walk out. When she finally reaches the doorway, she says, “That’s a long time to wait, Ted.” He replies, “Well, I respect you didn’t hurry.” They chat a bit before Keeley pulls up in a fancy car and asks them if they’d rather be a lion or a panda. Rebecca decides to leave because that’s silly, but Ted answers with panda. So of course Rebecca turns around and goes on the funniest little rant about how lions are totally better than pandas and then she gets in her car.

Keeley is suitably intimidated by Rebecca, which is fair. Ted, though, is not. He tells Keeley that Rebecca isn’t scary; she’s just got some fences you need to hop over. What a thing to say about someone you’ve known for three days. While they’re talking, Rebecca is watching them in her rich person’s car, and she starts scheming. Later on that night, Ted and Beard are at their local pub, The Crown and Anchor, going through the suggestion box. It’s a bunch of players calling Ted a wanker and then one suggestion about the water pressure in the showers. Ted and Beard are determined to make things work with the team.

The following day, at Biscuits with the Boss, Rebecca tries to tell Ted she doesn’t have time for it. He sort of listens, but not really. Down in the locker room, Ted sends Sam off on a quick errand and then gets the players together to plan a surprise party for him. Once again, Jamie is the worst about it, so you know he’s getting a redemption arc.

Later that day, after being asked a misogynistic question at a press conference, Rebecca goes back to her office to spiral. Ted swoops in and gives her a little protection – it’s a toy soldier he got in a care package from Henry. He then asks Rebecca about getting through to Jamie, but she directs him to Keeley so she (Rebecca) can implement the silly little plan she schemed up in her Rolls Royce. Goofy. Ted does end up visiting Keeley while she’s at work on a photoshoot. They share a burger while she tells him that the key to Jamie is positive reinforcement. Ted thanks her and wipes ketchup off of her face because her hands are occupied, and a paparazzo takes pictures of them.

Before their game against Crystal Palace, Ted and the team throw that surprise party for Sam and he is touched. When Ted and Beard walk onto the pitch at the start of the match, the two of them (but mostly Ted) are booed and the crowd shouts “WANKER” over and over. That’s why I don’t respect sports fans. AFC Richmond loses the game and oh, it’s so bad for them. 4-1. Rebecca is, of course, ecstatic. She looks so cute when she’s triumphant. Ted pulls Jamie into his office for a heart-to-heart and it looks like he might be starting to get through to him. Roy takes note of the increased water pressure in the showers. Hurray.

Ted goes up to Rebecca’s office to bring her and Higgins some of Sam’s birthday cake and invite them down to the locker room to celebrate with the team. Rebecca declines both offers, but she does ask Ted where he gets the biscuits he brings her. Ted’s answer basically boils down to “Not telling” (but affectionately). As Jamie’s leaving, he’s approached by a rat-slash-journalist named Trent Crimm (James Lance). Trent asks him about the loss and Jamie tries to follow Ted’s advice about putting the team first. But then he doesn’t.

Rebecca is at home ruminating. We discover that she got Higgins to hire the paparazzo to take those misleading pictures of Ted and Keeley. At the same time, we cut to Ted taking a tray of biscuits out of his oven and setting them down next to a stack of the same pink boxes Rebecca’s biscuits come in. That’s right, audience. He makes the biscuits himself. Incredible. Sensational, even. Anyway, Rebecca has a chance to back out of her plan to send those pap pics to the press and she does hesitate while she examines the little toy soldier Ted gave her. But on her TV screen, there’s news coverage about another woman half her age coming out to say she slept with Rupert. Rebecca chooses violence and tells Higgins to send in the pictures. She tosses the toy soldier over her shoulder and walks away. XOXO Gossip Girl.

My song choice for “Biscuits”: “I Don’t Know” by Lisa Hannigan.

Episode 3: ‘Trent Crimm: The Independent’

What we learn at the very start of this episode is that Rebecca has an alarm set for 6 AM, but that she’s awake and ready for the day before it goes off. That speaks to her villainy far more than any of her scheming, in my opinion. When she gets to work to read the paper, she does not find the TedKeeley pictures she commissioned plastered across the front page of The Sun like she was promised. It’s a disaster. She immediately calls Higgins, who is saved in her phone as Shithead. This lady is very funny to me.

When Ted shows up for Biscuits with the Boss, Rebecca is desperate for what he’s packing. I’m not joking. She literally consumes the scent of them and then eats half of one in one bite. Slay. She also once again tries to kick Ted out, but only after he tells a very unfunny Kansas-based joke. He does leave, though. He goes down to his and Beard’s office to do some strategizing and Nate gives them a new play to try.

Keeley comes by and catches Ted to tell him she found out that The Sun has pictures of the two of them. He tells her Rebecca will be able to take care of it because he believes in her. They go up to Rebecca’s office to explain the situation and she assures them that she will handle it. She conveniently doesn’t confess to being the evil mastermind behind the pictures in the first place. It’s not funny, but it is.

Down on the pitch, the team practices Nate’s new play and it goes perfectly. However, Jamie’s upset because now he has to play a decoy and doesn’t get to score. Crybaby ass. In the locker room after training, Jamie, Isaac (Kola Bokinni), and Colin (Billy Harris) are bullying Nate because they can. Ted gifts the players with a book specific to each for them. Roy’s book is A Wrinkle in Time and it’s the beginning of Ted’s weird psychological mojo to make Roy love him. It’s extremely amusing because of course it ends up working. Then Roy halfway tries to get Jamie to give up bullying Nate, but of course that was never going to work.

In the next scene, Ted is up in Rebecca’s office and she tells him that she spoke to the owner of The Sun. Ted replies “You spoke to GOD?!” Delightful. Makes me laugh every time. Rebecca was able to get rid of the TedKeeley story because she’s a girlboss. However, in exchange, Ted has to do an all-day interview with Trent Crimm from The Independent. When Trent arrives, he says “Hello, Coach Ted Lasso from America” in the weirdest, funniest little voice. And then Roy and Keeley have a moment together in the parking lot of the training center where she teases him a bit.

Keeley visits Rebecca and gifts her a cactus because it reminded her of Rebecca. “Soft and a bit prickly.” Real. Keeley also announces that she’s not going to be afraid of Rebecca anymore. Rebecca is wildly thrown off by this development and shows Keeley her breasts. Ted, Roy, and Trent go to a primary school to play football with the kids there. Roy’s niece Phoebe is one of the students, and she’s pretty good at football. Ted and Roy bond just a tiny bit. Ted is very endearing and starts to win Trent over as well. I love Ted Lasso.

After the school event, Ted takes Trent to dinner at the Indian restaurant owned by the family of Ollie, his taxi driver from the airport in the pilot episode. Trent says that the food there is too spicy for them to eat, but Ted commits because that’s what Ted does. Ted also tells Trent his philosophy about coaching and Trent realizes Ted’s sincerity and honesty aren’t a show. He’s for real.

At the end of the night, Rebecca reads an advanced copy of Trent’s article and is pissed because it’s favorable toward Ted. Her very emphatic “FUCK” is hot. Ted gets the runs from the Indian food.

The song I choose for this episode is “Propaganda” by Banks.

Episode 4: ‘For the Children’

Episode 4 opens at halftime during a game where Richmond is losing. Everybody’s mad. Tensions are high between Roy and Jamie, and Roy kinda swings at Jamie. But honestly? It’s deserved. Sometimes violence is the answer. The following day, Rebecca’s knee-deep in putting the finishing touches on the charity gala she’s been planning. She yells out her office window to Ted and Beard because their RSVPs needed clearing up. Ted comes up to scheme (affectionate) about Jamie and Roy. Rebecca is sorting through dresses to wear; wistfully, she holds up the ugliest one. She thinks she can’t pull it off, but Ted tells her it’s all about confidence. He apparently wants her to wear the ugly dress. (Which she does.)

Higgins bumbles in and tells Rebecca that their musical guest, Robbie Williams (whoever that is) has canceled. Rebecca says that that’s okay because, by the time of the gala, Higgins will have found a new one. And then off he goes to do so. Ted thanks him on Rebecca’s behalf and Rebecca makes a face at him. At the gala, there’s a red carpet and Rebecca walks it after Keeley and Jamie. It’s clear she’s uncomfortable, so Keeley gives her some good tips for posing and hypes her up a lot. I love them.

When everyone gets inside, Rebecca sees Ted in a suit and realizes that he’s hot. Ted compliments her in her ugly dress, because that’s the kind of guy he is (and because Rebecca is hot in anything). Ted’s scheme reveals itself when he, Ted, and Jamie are all sat at the same table. He’s going to mediate so they can squash their beef. In other news, Higgins hasn’t been able to find a new musical guest and Rebecca is nervous about giving her speech. Ted tries to help her out, and they banter a little bit. While Rebecca’s on stage, who should arrive but her ex-husband, Rupert (Anthony Head). Rupert interrupts because he’s not only evil – he’s also a bitch. Rebecca handles it as best as she can.

Rebecca introduces Ted to Rupert. Her ex is both charming and smarmy, so Rebecca walks away. She’s better than me because I would have thrown hands. But more importantly, Ted sees through Rupert and can tell the man is no good. When Rupert eventually heads off, Ted orders a whiskey – triple – because that man is so odious. Ted finds Rebecca crying outside and she tells him about how Rupert controlled her and how she let him. It’s really very sad. She cries about how she’s alone just like Rupert said she would be if she left him. Rebecca tells Ted, “I don’t want to be alone.” Devastating. Ted holds her and then offers to whisk her away somewhere. Rebecca is forced to decline because she organized the entire event.

Back inside, Roy and Jamie hash things out a bit. Ted subtly calls Rupert out for sabotaging the gala by getting Robbie Williams to cancel and Rupert gets even more smug about it. I wish nothing but misery for him. Anyway, Ted finds a new musical guest because he’s very slay. Rebecca and Keeley bond in the powder room and Rebecca tells Keeley that Jamie brought another plus one. Keeley asks if Rebecca’s ever dated a footballer and Rebecca laughs and says no (LOL!). They have a chat about men and accountability. It’s good stuff. After they leave the powder room, Keeley confronts Jamie for being a sneaky shit. My next note just says: “Rupert is THE WORST AND I HOPE HE DIES SCARED AND ALONE.” Ted’s musical guest is the busker who plays on Richmond green and he’s really good.

At the end of the night, Ted stands next to Rebecca as she’s seeing guests off and he tells her that she’s not the only person who sees who Rupert really is. Rebecca’s very touched by that because everyone always loves Rupert. Keeley breaks up with Jamie and goes home with Rebecca. Ted tells Beard that his wife and son are coming to visit soon.

This episode’s song is “Valentine’s Day” by Kehlani.

Episode 5: ‘Tan Lines’

At the beginning of this episode, Higgins is getting dropped off at work by his wife and sons. His family is cute. Ted arrives at work and walks into a sign hanging from the entryway. During Biscuits with the Boss, Ted tells Rebecca he’s excited for his family to visit, but he and his wife Michelle have been having marital problems. Rebecca’s like …this is not my business, you do not need to tell me this. But Ted’s like no, I’m gonna. He then talks about how he and Michelle tried couples therapy and the origins of the term “Oklahoma”: it’s the word they use to prompt each other to be completely honest. Ted says Michelle dislikes his constant optimism and Rebecca’s like I really don’t wanna know any of this. But it’s her fault. She spilled her guts first at the gala.

During training, Jamie doesn’t want to pass the ball to Sam because he’s a ball-hog. Sam is adorable. Henry and Michelle (Andrea Anders) show up at the training center and Ted runs the entire length of the pitch to reach them because he thought they’d meet him halfway and they did not. (Metaphor.) He greets them enthusiastically, though, because that’s his family. Michelle seems happy to see him even if she never wanted to talk to him over the phone. According to some research Higgins did, Rebecca’s evil plan is working. I support women’s wrongs.

Keeley helps Jamie with a brand deal even though they’re broken up. She worked hard to get him that deal and she will see it through. Rebecca calls Jamie a twat, though not to his face. But I feel like she would say it to his face if sufficiently provoked. Rebecca then asks Keeley if she’d help other players with branding and sponsorships. Keeley considers it. Ted takes Michelle and Henry to The Crown & Anchor for lunch. Henry goes to play darts. Ted and Michelle interact like two people on a second date they both agreed to reluctantly after the first date was just okay.

Back at the training center, Roy and Keeley have a conversation in which Roy makes an ass of himself because he likes Keeley. Keeley makes fun of him because she’s extremely funny. At Ted’s apartment, Ted and Henry build a Lego set and Michelle joins them. The next morning, Michelle is crying her eyes out because she doesn’t love Ted anymore and she wants to. She says she’ll keep trying to feel how she used to and Ted is devastated. But he did ask.

At work, Ted confers with Beard and Nate about his family situation. Nate wonders why Ted left his family in the first place. Ted explains that he realized his being around was doing more harm than good. Michelle told him she wanted space, so he gave it to her by taking a job in London. Go big or go home, right? Higgins chimes in with a nice gem: “If you’re with the right person, even the hard times seem easy.” While the team gets ready for the game, Jamie still sucks, and it kind of looks like Ted wants to punch him in the neck.

During the match itself, the team is losing and their fans are mad, but Jamie scores twice and ties it up. But then he’s an arrogant butthead about it, so Ted runs all the way up the stands to the Owner’s Box. He goes straight to Rebecca and asks if he can take Jamie out of the game. (The WAY Michelle looks at them sends me into orbit.) Rebecca just smiles at Ted, pats his hand, and tells him to do whatever because he’s the manager. So Ted takes Jamie out of the game, Roy assists Sam, and Richmond scores the final goal and wins the game. Huge slay. Rebecca’s annoyed though. Sorry, baby. But! Roy seems to have gained some respect for Ted.

Later that night, Michelle and Henry are getting ready to drive to the airport to fly back to Kansas. Henry plays around in the background while Ted and Michelle talk. Ted tells Michelle that she doesn’t have to keep trying to love him, so it definitely smells like divorce in here. Ted laments that he promised he’d never quit anything in his life. Michelle corrects him and says he’s not quitting; he’s just letting her go. Elsewhere, Roy and Keeley are in a parking lot sewing the seeds of their inevitable coupling. Back with Ted, Michelle and Henry go home. It’s kinda sad, not gonna lie!

The song for this episode is “And So It Goes” by Billy Joel.

Episode 6: ‘Two Aces‘

First things first: Ted takes off his wedding ring. He then goes into work all out of sorts and rambling like he’s got a motor in his mouth. It’s a little bit stressful. But Nate gifts us with the knowledge that he has a deep fear of aging. Then there’s another goddamn press conference. But moving swiftly along: Ted and Rebecca are walking down the hall and this is the first instance where they wear color-complementary outfits. And it certainly won’t be the last. Rebecca tells Ted that because he benched Jamie, his original team, Manchester City, wants to terminate his loan and get him back. Which means Ted would (in his mind) be quitting on Jamie, too. Ted does not want that.

Training is about to start and Jamie claims he’s injured and can’t practice. Jamie is not injured. What Jamie is is a petulant little baby. Ted proceeds to deliver a passionate, Lasso remix of Allen Iverson’s famous “Practice” rant that all sports people know. Even I know it as an ex-basketball player. It’s unsurprising that Ted has it memorized. After that showcase, we are introduced to the one and only Dani Rojas (Cristo Fernández). He got injured when he first joined Richmond awhile ago, but he’s just been cleared to play, so he joins up for practice. Dani is incredibly happy, enthusiastic, and excellent at football. Just as good as Jamie, if not better than him. So naturally Jamie doesn’t like him.

Keeley comes to Rebecca’s office to tell her about the press referring to her as “Old Rebecca” because Rupert’s new girlfriend is named Rebecca. That nasty old geezer is so obsessed with his ex-wife, he needs to be in jail. On the pitch, Dani and Jamie practice together. Jamie starts off with an attitude and Dani is just excited to be there. Ted and Beard are watching and are so chuffed to have both Dani and Jamie. Roy and Keeley flirt on some treadmills. Dani’s practicing alone and gets injured (again). That’s when Ted and Beard are told about Richmond’s cursed treatment room.

Basically, the team believes that the treatment room is cursed because Richmond’s stadium was a makeshift veteran’s hospital during World War II, so Ted decides they need to have a séance to expel the ghosts. No, I’m not joking. This is really what happens. For the séance, every player has to bring something personally meaningful to sacrifice to the ghosts. Sam, prompted by Ted’s whole philosophy of team unity, goes up to Rebecca’s office to invite her to the séance. To everyone’s surprise, she does show up. There’s a montage of everyone telling their little stories about their most cherished items and then dropping them into a barrel. Ted almost lights the contents on fire inside the treatment room, but then Beard suggests it might be smarter to take it outside. Ted gives Rebecca his coat at some point. Also, Dani’s fine. The team bonds and it’s wholesome, so obviously Rebecca gets mad and leaves, and Ted watches her go.

The next day, the team seems more united than ever, so of course something goes to shit. It turns out that Rebecca orchestrated Jamie getting sent back to Man City. She’s such a menace. Ted goes up to her office to yell at her and he does – but he immediately apologizes because he’s Ted. Rebecca is shook that he even apologized and looked to be bracing herself for worse. I feel like she thought that would be the moment she saw Ted’s “true colors” or whatever, but no. He just gives her her biscuits and reveals that he makes them himself. And her face, y’all…

Anyway, football is life.

The song for this episode? It’s “Best of You” by Foo Fighters.

Episode 7: ‘Make Rebecca Great Again‘

In this episode, the team are preparing to leave for an away game at Everton (in Liverpool). Ted’s explaining it to Henry via face time. Then Michelle pops on to remind Ted to sign them damn divorce papers, man! At the same time that Ted’s contemplating his failed marriage, Rebecca’s being reminded of hers because it’s what would have been her and Rupert’s 13th anniversary. Thankfully, Keeley arrives to flirt with her because she will be flying with Rebecca to Liverpool to hang out and do girly stuff. Rebecca makes Higgins stay in London because she’s mad at him.

The players are down in the dumps about their upcoming game because they always lose at Everton, the team they’re playing against. Or something. In Liverpool, Rebecca gets emotional settling in to her and Keeley’s suite because it’s the first wedding anniversary that she’s been alone. Keeley comforts her. A bit later, they’re getting ready to have a good time (not sex) when Rebecca’s childhood best friend arrives. She’s called Sassy, but her government name is Florence Collins (Ellie Taylor) and she’s alright, I suppose. She says something derogatory to Keeley upon first meeting her, but nobody seems to care, so we’ll move on.

Rebecca and Sassy haven’t spoken in 6 years because Rupert isolated Rebecca from her friends and family so he could control her more easily. So Rebecca’s pretty shocked to see her. Sassy’s also gotten divorced and figured now’s as good a time as any to reconnect. The team is watching Iron Giant for movie night and my god, what an excellent film. The coaches are talking and Nate is extremely, extremely insecure. Ted gets a text from Michelle about the divorce papers, so he goes off in search of a fax machine, despite it being 2020.

Rebecca, Keeley, and Sassy are having dinner together and to be perfectly honest, half of this conversation frustrates me. I don’t really know why they told us stories of Sassy being the star of Rebecca’s wedding and about how she was so jealous upon meeting her she gave her a terrible nickname that she uses to this day. The only thing of value she includes is that Rebecca is more silly and fun than she seems now, despite the fact that Keeley loves Rebecca exactly as she is. But anyway, Sassy goes for a smoke and runs into Ted. They flirt and it’s fine, I guess.

Later that night in Ted’s room, he’s drinking brown liquor and trying to sign his divorce papers. He gets a text from Michelle’s lawyer that he can just send pictures of the papers to him. Once he does that and the paperwork is processed, he will be Ted Lasso, father, football coach, and ex-husband. His middle aged man slay. Nate comes to his door for something, but Ted’s in an absolutely disastrous mood and snaps at him, so Nate runs away.

The next morning, everyone is preparing for the game and Ted apologizes to Nate. He also has Nate give the team a speech to motivate them and the speech is equal parts true and mean-spirited. Richmond wins the game. Rebecca, Keeley, and Sassy come down to congratulate the team. Everyone goes out to karaoke and Sam sings Wonderwall by Oasis. Some of the players are shirtless for some reason. Sassy goes for a smoke and Rebecca joins her for the second most most insufferably infuriating scene of the entire season.

Sassy wants to sleep with Ted, which is fine. Rebecca apologizes for not contacting her and Nora (sassy’s daughter and Rebecca’s goddaughter) for six years. She tries to explain the control Rupert had on her at the time, but Sassy tells her it’s her fault for letting him, which is absolutely not how coercive control and emotional abuse works, but nobody at any point cares to correct that thinking. Like, at all. I can’t talk about it anymore. It makes me very upset. They go back inside and Rebecca sings Let It Go from Frozen because it was Nora’s favorite song last time she knew her. She’s an incredible singer because it’s West End legend Hannah Waddingham, but as she’s singing Ted has a panic attack and leaves.

Rebecca follows him out and soothes him, talking him through it. She helps him get his breathing steady so he doesn’t hyperventilate and this scene makes me feel feral. Why would she be so soft and sweet with him when she’s trying to sabotage him? Oh, my god. I need a drink of water. Rebecca offers to walk him back to the hotel, but he declines. Rebecca watches him go and she’s clearly very worried about him. Ted goes back to his hotel room and signs the divorce papers and sends pictures to Michelle’s lawyer. The means the anniversary of his divorce is the day after Rebecca’s wedding anniversary. What is this.

Rebecca goes back to the hotel alone, and Roy and Keeley go back together. Roy kisses Keeley and then just walks away. Incredible form. Rebecca goes to the hotel bar to pick up a waiter who was eyeing her earlier, but then she gets a text from Ted and it looks like she might be uncertain about her decision. Up in Ted’s room, there’s a knock on his door and it’s Sassy with a bottle of wine. The script says he was thinking about Rebecca though, which is crazy.

The song for this episode is “I’ll Stand By You” by The Pretenders.

Episode 8: ‘The Diamond Dogs‘

Diamond Dogs starts the next morning after the last episode. Nate slept in the cargo area of the bus. Rebecca did end up sleeping with the waiter and when she wakes up, she immediately kicks him out of her room. Sassy wakes up in Ted’s room and he’s already dressed and ready to go, looking anxious as all hell. When they all ,minus Sassy, get back to London, Ted spills the beans about what happened the night before. He agonizes over what he did and whether he should tell Rebecca, despite her not being his wife. Ex or otherwise. The Diamond Dogs (Beard, Nate, and Higgins) all tell him not to tell Rebecca, which is just so bizarre to me. WHY does anyone care if Rebecca knows who Ted slept with?

Anyway, Keeley is confused about what went down between her and Roy last night, so she asks him out for a coffee. He declines because he’s busy. Jamie comes over to Keeley’s that night and they sleep together because Roy is being uncommunicative. The next morning for Biscuits with the Boss, Ted brings in chocolate truffles as well as the biscuits and Rebecca’s expression when biting into them is orgasmic. These people are insane. Ted thanks Rebecca for what she did for him in Liverpool and says he’ll be there for her for anything she needs forever. I wish I was exaggerating, but I’m not. Rebecca asks Ted to accompany her to a meeting with some minority owners.

The next scene is Keeley meeting with some of the players to determine what kind of sponsorships to get them. Roy comes in and the players skedaddle. He asks Keeley on a date and she’s confused because he’s been very Roy about this whole thing. Roy was hesitant because he wanted to make sure that they were doing this for real and it wouldn’t turn into a casual sex sort of thing. Keeley appreciates his honesty and tells him that she slept with Jamie the night before. Roy is not happy and needs time to think. He goes to the Diamond Dogs relunctantly and they tell him to grow up and get over it.

Ted and Rebecca arrive at the Crown and Anchor for an extremely pivotal scene in their relationship development. Yes, they’ve already had a few before this one, but this one is especially breathtaking. Ted keeps making Milk puns because the people they’re supposed to be meeting are called the Milk sisters. Instead Rupert is there because he had his fiancé Bex (Keeley Hazell) buy out their 2.9% share since he’s legally not allowed to buy it himself. This is hell.

Roy gets over himself and asks Keeley out. She questions him playfully about it and then says yes. Rupert is genuinely the worst, oh my god. He keeps attacking Rebecca and Ted gets is incredibly angry about it. Angry in the “I have to smile or something bad will happen” kind of way. He tricks Rupert into thinking he’s bad at darts by throwing with his right hand, so Rupert challenges him to a game. Ted accepts and says if he wins, Rupert’s not allowed anywhere near Richmond’s owners box. If Rupert wins, Ted will let him pick the starting line up of the last two games of the season. Rebecca is like hey, what are you doing and Ted tells her he’s white-knighting, which… okay.

Rupert reveals a custom set of darts in his pocket, which is just a weird thing to be carrying around. In return, Ted reveals he’s left handed and hits a bullseye with his left hand immediately after. Very sexy behavior, I have to say. On Roy and Keeley’s date, they get papped and Roy steals the paparazzo’s SD card. Back in the pub, pretty much everyone rooting for Rupert, so we get Rebecca saying “Shut your stupid little twat mouth or I will shut it for you” to one of the men who routinely heckles Ted. He looks terrified.

Rupert somehow has the gall to slut shame Rebecca and call her an incompetent leader at the same time, so Ted threatens him with a dart. Anyway, Ted gives a speech about being curious and not judgmental, and drops in that his dad died when he was 16. He also wins and Rebecca is ecstatic. Nobody’s every stood up to Rupert before, let alone on her behalf. Everybody cheered and Rebecca buys the entire pub a round of drinks.

The next morning at training, Ted does something truly remarkable and lovely. And insane. When Rebecca gets to her office, Higgins is there hold her biscuits and he guides her to the open window. Down on the pitch, Ted has organized the players and coaches to lie down and spell out Hi Boss! for her. She says hi back, but Ted prompts a more enthusiastic response, so she yells back the cutest little hi and giggles and it’s just so cute and wholesome. Why would he do that! Also, Higgins quits because Rebecca’s plan is working. It’s incredible that he’s able to stand up to her, but he wasn’t able to stand up to Rupert when he was helping him cheat on her while they were friends.

Also, Keeley finds out Rebecca called the paps on her and Ted, so she tells Rebecca that she needs to tell Ted or Keeley will. And Rebecca deserves that to be honest. I’m always on her side, but she has been very diabolical.

The song I choose for this episode is “Start A Riot” by The Banners.

Episode 9: ‘All Apologies‘

This episode opens with Roy in an ice bath inside of a recycling bin. Ted comes to sit next to him. Roy’s sulking because he messed him in a game and they lost. Roy’s beating himself up over it and Ted tells him that he’s got his back. Little does he know. Rebecca is in the locker room being photographed for something and Ted’s hyping her up because he’s Ted and she’s Rebecca. He brings her her biscuits and they chat for a bit. Keeley puts pressure on Rebecca to tell Ted because accountability is important.

Everyone expresses concern over Roy’s performance because he’s not doing well, but Ted believes in him too much to bench him. Beard’s been paid to bite someone on the ass. Rebecca summons Ted to her office so she can confess to what she did, but she rambles and rambles and she can’t do it, so she sends him off. When Ted leaves, she gets up to go tell him, but Rupert arrives to just be the most lowdown dirty dog ever. Again. He tells Rebecca that Bex is pregnant because he knows Rebecca always wanted kids, but he never let her have any because he is pure evil. He insinuates that it wasn’t that he never wanted kids, it’s just that he never wanted them with her. And that’s a lie. He’s only having this baby to upset her.

It does upset her, too. And she realizes that she doesn’t want to be him. Doing despicable, irreversible things just to get back someone who won’t ever even care. So, with tears in her eyes, she goes down to Ted’s office and tells him everything. She’s prepared for the worst, but he forgives her because divorce is hard. But he’s visibly very sad. He tells her they’re okay and she hugs him. “If you care about someone and got a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothin’ you can’t get through together.” So that was a little bit of a love confession in my professional opinion, but that’s fine. That line is also a prompt for her to go see Higgins.

The team prepares for the Man City game the next day. Beard’s mad at Ted. Roy’s sucking during training. Rebecca goes to Higgins’ house to apologize and give him his job back. I would have liked a better apology from him, but we all want things we cannot have. Roy and Ted sit together in the stands after training and Ted tries to tell him he’s out of the starting lining up. Roy get really mad and walks away and goes to Keeley’s house with his niece Phoebe. He talks with Keeley about being benched and about how football is all he knows and it’s who he is. Keeley does her best to rid him of that idea.

Ted meets Beard at the pub and tells him that despite the fact that he agreed to bench Roy, he’s actually going to start him instead. Beard yells at him and tells him this is about more than how the players feel about themselves. How they perform is just as important because they are facing relegation. He calls Ted selfish and walks away. Ted gets drunk and almost walks into the street and gets hit by a car, but Roy stops him. They go back to Ted’s apartment and Roy tells him that has accepted that he won’t start next game. Ted still hates tea.

The next morning, Ted comes to Rebecca’s office and is excited to see Higgins back. So excited that he brought Higgins his own biscuits, but they are in an entirely different color box to Rebecca’s pink box. Actually, those biscuits were for Trent Crimm’s daughter who turned three that day, but Ted is an avid re-gifter. Down in the locker room, Roy makes a decision. That’s my boy. I can’t believe this show has made me care about so many men. What a disaster.

My song selection for this episode is “I’ll Be Good” by Jaymes Young.

Episode 10: ‘The Hope That Kills You’

The episode opens on a new kit man in the locker room. Nate thinks he’s being fired. Ted and Higgins come in and they pretend they don’t know what’s going on either. Rebecca walks in swinging her hips around and Nate immediately becomes misogynistic. It’s very gross, especially when she’s just come in with his new employment contract because he’s been promoted to assistant coach. Everyone’s excited for him. Since Roy isn’t going to be starting, they have to choose a new captain. Ted tasks Roy with choosing his successor even though Roy doesn’t want to.

The team is nervous about their game against Man City, which is Jamie’s team. Nobody believes Richmond will win. Ted believes god is a woman and that there’s no such thing as hopelessness. That second part is funny considering he realizes he has depression next season. The next morning, Ted goes to Rebecca’s office to lament the fact that the team might have been better off with a really football coach. Rebecca tells him that his cluelessness is an asset if he uses it correctly. She is so real for that because Ted instantly gets inspired and runs off. Rebecca looks really pretty.

Ted goes down to the locker room to teach the team about trick plays so they can create chaos on the pitch. At Keeley’s place, Roy wears egg socks and Jamie comes over. This scene is extremely funny. Jamie is a twat. That night, Ted face times Henry. The next night is the Man City game and Rebecca is nervous because she actually cares about the team winning for once. In the locker room, Roy makes Isaac the captain. Ted gives a speech about hope. The game starts and it’s tense. Roy goes in after halftime. Man City scores. Roy keeps Jamie from scoring, but he ruins his knee in the process. Everybody cheers Roy and it’s really lovely.

Roy gets up and limps off the pitch. Keely goes down to the locker room and sits with him while he cries. Richmond only needs a tie to keep from being relegated. The boys run a trick play and score. Everyone cheers and is so excited, but then Jamie assists Man City’s second goal. The game’s over and Richmond loses, they’re relegated and that’s that. After the game, Ted walks by Jamie getting yelled at by his terrible father in an empty room. It rattles him. Ted gives the team a nice season ending speech. Beard delivers a nice letter to Jamie from Ted.

Ted goes up to Rebecca’s office to resign, but she’s doesn’t let him. She gets him a water and tells him that actually, they’re going to properly work as a team next year. She believes in him. He’s delighted and promises to “win the whole fuckin’ thing” and Rebecca is pleasantly surprised by the fucking. Ted takes a drink of his water, but it’s sparkling water and he spits it out all over Rebecca’s face. That’s the end of Ted Lasso Season 1, and it’s the end of this Ted Lasso Season 1 rewatch.

Finally, my song for this episode is “Thank You” by Dido. And if you’ve read this far: I appreciate you.